like a wild horse you rear to strike
from fear
with me
there is nothing to fear
let me gentle you and you’ll see
gentling
17 Monday Oct 2011
Monthly Archives: October 2011
if wishes were horses
16 Sunday Oct 2011
Posted in the one
you said you wished you were more into me. we haven’t even met, how can you possibly know how much or how little? this is the beginning in a 2 dimensional realm. i’m just beginning to get an inkling of what you’re about. what makes you feel/seem awkward/clumsy around women. why they intimidate you so. today someone i have worked with twice before told me how much she appreciated how calm i am, i don’t get rattled easily. in a crisis, i’m someone you might want to keep close to. i’m steady and reasonably skilled at diffusing conflict.
real life is fuller and more complete, meet me, let’s spend a few hours together and see what happens. drop the expectations of what will or won’t. i will if you will. your isolation is self-inflicted, meet me half way, your kitchen or mine?
comfort
16 Sunday Oct 2011
Posted in attraction
me thinks that comfort and contentment have become my target in partnering. a man i can be myself with and he likewise. acceptance, embracing similarities and differences. i think part of what makes up attraction is the balance of traits the other person has that we wish we had ourselves, as if sleeping next to a great bridge player one would become one through osmosis. maybe over time we do moderate each other and there is some seepage through the membrane. i envied my husband’s competence, he seemed confident and secure that he could do a great many things well and he did. i was more tentative at that stage in my life, less so now, not completely over it, but better. now i can better gauge what i’m good at and what i’m not. i would like someone to value my strengths and accept my weaknesses, maybe even be supportive of both.
i have been well loved and loved well and i want it again.
the illusion
12 Wednesday Oct 2011
Posted in online dating, pomes
Tags
we speak of meeting someone online, we pick and choose based on clicks
they might as well be avatars, they are not real, we suspect some are fakes, bots
some represent themselves as something they’re not, looking for one thing but indicating another
lost are the individual characteristics of handwriting, doodling on notes, voice tones relating questions, irony, teasing, laughter
‘lol’ are just typing characters, not laughter
the absence of feedback, immediate, verbal and non render this medium 2 dimensional at best
where is the body english? the eye contact, that’s where the heat is
no wonder profile holders are often disappointed on meeting prospects
why waste time trying to figure out if this is THE ONE? meet in neutral territory and see if you get past awkward and onto ‘this is fun’
don’t count me in or out based on the unilateral sequential interrupted messages that pass back and forth in the ozone
smartly awkward
12 Wednesday Oct 2011
Posted in online dating, the one
Steve Jobs, rest in peace.
some men, maybe women, too are very smart and socially awkward. there are varying degrees of smartness and awkwardness. the man i was married to is very smart and sometimes totally lacking in social awareness. when he first came to visit my parents and thereafter he would have his face in a magazine most of the time, reading. granted they had wonderful range of reading material–new yorker, atlantic, harper’s, manchester guardian and more, but he didn’t seem to realize this was not the way to interact with the young lady’s parents.
recently i’ve been chatting with a man who is very smart and i begin to understand why he is so intimidated by women and finds himself feeling awkward and clumsy. his self-monitoring is absent at times, he is both natural and raw. there is no editing, just a mix of calm reflection and bleeding, sometimes venting.
i don’t think people like this know how they are perceived by others. there is a self-centered quality to the person’s presence and maybe that’s because they can’t get out of their own way. maybe it’s because they are self-centered or some mix of both. my ex used to say that for a long time he thought he was too self-centered to have children.
being sexual may become of means of self expression that because it approximates closeness and is primarily non-verbal, is freeing for such a man/person. their conversation and gestures may be centered in sexual terms.
topographical maps
12 Wednesday Oct 2011
i will be
a mapmaker, cartographer, measuring and marking the terrain of your body
the convex curve where brow meets forehead, the concave reverse where your eyes are set
the convex curve of your cheek, concave curve of your nose
the hollow under your arms measured by fingers as a horse is measured by hands
conjuring
12 Wednesday Oct 2011
abricadabra
hocus pocus
biddidi bobbidi boo!
once upon a time,
i could conjure the man of my dreams
now
only in my dreams
knickers and heididog
03 Monday Oct 2011
Posted in memories
tom and i used to xcross country ski near where we lived in boston, n.y. our dog heidi was a mixed breed hound, she sang and she was black and tan, about 40 pounds. during the day she would hang out in the barn with tom, napping in the sawdust under the lathe. one of their special adventures would be ‘bushwhacking’. that’s xcross country skiing in wild ungroomed areas sometimes frequented by snowmobiles, sometimes not. heidi loved going skiing with tom. as soon as she saw him put on his grey wool knickers she would start hopping up and down like a wind-up toy. she was just soooo excited. she would moan and bark and sing until they went out the door. she just couldn’t contain all that doggiejoy.
if they were gone a long time or the snow was deep or there was run-off to cross tom might have to pick her up and carry her. i have a picture of them in bed after i got up. heidi took my warm spot and put her head on the pillow next to tom. a great dog.
weather, showers in the forecast
02 Sunday Oct 2011
Posted in desire, pomes, quelle bummer
Tags
undress, step into the shower, close your eyes
i’m in a dark tshirt and pajama pants, it’s not my turn to shower
the soap smells like jasmine with a cool zing of mint
i rub it in my hands to make my hands slippery
i can start at the top or bottom or middle, which would you prefer?
concord grapes
02 Sunday Oct 2011
Posted in memories
in late september or early october, after a frost, the grapes are ready to be picked. the frost maximizes the sugar content. we used to buy a bushel every fall and use the finnish steam juice extractor Mehu-Liisa steam juicers from Finland to reduce the fruit to clear juice. most of the juice went into jelly, clear and beautiful.
driving along lake erie on the way to salmon fishing during the same season the smell of ripe grapes permeates the air, it’s one of my favorite fragrances. i remember telling a co-worker this in the early 80’s and her comment was that she went to college nearby in fredonia and not only was welch’s grape juice located nearby, but so was a ketchup plant and similarly you could smell the ketchup when the tomatoes came in.
heartbeatwonderings 