Steve Jobs, rest in peace.

some men, maybe women, too are very smart and socially awkward. there are varying degrees of smartness and awkwardness. the man i was married to is very smart and sometimes totally lacking in social awareness. when he first came to visit my parents and thereafter he would have his face in a magazine most of the time, reading. granted they had  wonderful range of reading material–new yorker, atlantic, harper’s, manchester guardian and more, but he didn’t seem to realize this was not the way to interact with the young lady’s parents.

recently i’ve been chatting with a man who is very smart and i begin to understand why he is so intimidated by women and finds himself feeling awkward and clumsy. his self-monitoring is absent at times, he is both natural and raw. there is no editing, just a mix of calm reflection and bleeding, sometimes venting.

i don’t think people like this know how they are perceived by others. there is a self-centered quality to the person’s presence and maybe that’s because they can’t get out of their own way. maybe it’s because they are self-centered or some mix of both. my ex used to say that for a long time he thought he was too self-centered to have children.

being sexual may become of means of self expression that because it approximates closeness and is primarily non-verbal, is freeing for such a man/person. their conversation and gestures may be centered in sexual terms.