sometimes i am overwhelmed by the all the men i don’t want. they come at me from all directions and i have no interest. the heart wants what it wants. that’s the way it has always been i respond to my own desire and act on it. sometimes stupidly, other times precisely.

the letdown of disappointment sets the stage. i’m discouraged by how unlikely it all seems. i have wondered if i did not marry the man i did then what? would i have children? would i have married at all or for different reasons?